Healthy Boundaries

Setting boundaries is an important skill for everyone, but it can be especially challenging for people with chronic illness. That’s because sometimes we may feel like we have to push ourselves more, say yes to things we may not have the bandwidth to do, or show up to events that we feel obligated to attend even if our symptoms are in a flare. This may be because we feel that we miss out on so much already, or even because we feel we have to “prove our worth” by attempting to take on too many responsibilities that can negatively impact our physical and/or mental health. We also may be accustomed to people pleasing tendencies that no longer can serve us in healthy ways during this journey.

6 Tips For Setting Healthy Boundaries Are Listed Below:

1.) Know your limits: First and foremost, it’s important to know your own limits. Be aware of what triggers your symptoms and what activities or situations may cause you to become more fatigued or elevate other symptoms. This is not to say you should avoid these situations. This is so you can decide what is best for you and how you can pace as needed. If you need help tracking symptoms, and determining symptom triggers, see our Symptom Tracking and Managing Flare-ups sections.

2.) Communicate your needs: Communicate your needs clearly and assertively. Be specific about what you need from others, such as time to rest or adjustments to your workload. This may not come easily, and may take time and practice, so please be patient with yourself as you work towards more assertive communication strategies. It can be challenging, especially if this is not something we are used to! We just want to speak to how difficult this can be, and how important it is to offer yourself added compassion as you practice communicating your needs with others.

3.) Be realistic: Set realistic expectations for yourself and others. It’s important to acknowledge that you may not be able to do everything you used to do, and that’s okay, as hard as it may be. It’s also important to recognize that your symptoms may change from moment to moment, day to day, and this requires you to make room for flexibility since your expectations may have to change frequently and unexpectedly. Constantly having to change and adapt to your body can be frustrating and overwhelming. Don’t forget to show yourself some grace.

4.) Prioritize self-care: Make self-care a priority, whether that means scheduling time for rest or prioritizing activities that make you feel good both mentally and physically. You deserve this time for yourself, as we firmly believe that self-care is always productive.

5.) Set boundaries with others: Be clear with others about your boundaries, as often as possible. If you need to cancel plans or take a break from socializing, communicate that clearly and without apology (we know this isn’t easy, and may take some practice, and that’s okay). You do not owe anyone an apology for your chronic illness symptoms. Your disease is not your fault. Speaking up for yourself and your needs is important and crucial to living with chronic illness. As an example, if your friends or family give you unsolicited medical advice or do other things that are unhelpful, communicate that to them and tell them the ways they can help support you. We have a section dedicated to family and friends, which can be accessed here, if you feel that sharing this resource with them would be helpful!

6.) Seek support: Seek support from friends, family, an online chronic illness community, and/or a therapist who can help you navigate the challenges of setting boundaries with a chronic illness.

Setting boundaries is a process and it may take time to figure out what works best for you. Please be patient with yourself and remember that it’s okay (and vital!) to prioritize your own health and well-being as you navigate this journey. You are doing your best. <3

Written By: Dr. Melissa Geraghty, Psy.D., Clinical Health Psychologist; CEO of Phoenix Rising with Dr. G

Click here to learn more about Dr. Geraghty!